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DEATH IN THE FAMILY

She was

One of my kids

Just like you

 

Her name was

Isabella

I always called her Izzy

She was one of the 2 little girls

Sisters

That I would bring to practice

At Burton

When they were in my care

I’d take them to the other side

You know…

Across from the gym

So that someone in the afterschool program

Could braid their hair

I obviously had no clue on how to do that

Last night,

October 29

Izzy committed suicide

She wasn’t biologically mine

But still,

She was mine

Just like you

I don’t know if I had been more active in her life

If I had done more

If it would have made a difference or not

I do know that I am out of time

If only I told her

What she meant to me…

Sometimes having knowledge

Of a person’s true feelings

Or actually having it verbalized

Goes a long way

I won’t make that mistake with you

Our relationship is a two-way street

It always has been

I have affected you

You have affected me

Family is more than just a bloodline

I may have been a role model

Or even a second dad to you

You have been first children of mine

And reasons to become a better person

Having children teaches love in a way

That can’t be taught otherwise

It has been an honor to be in your lives

And hold the position

In your hearts and minds that I have held

Seeing you grow into the adults that you are now

Has been the best movie I have ever experienced

I’m looking forward to the sequels

I love you

I believe in you

I always will

If I think you are wrong about something,

I’m still going to tell you about it

And I’m going to use that tone

Adjusted for the fact that you’re now over 18

If you ever need to talk

I am here

I wish I could have done more for your sister

She would have been 19 on November 29th

Izzy was one of my kids

Just like you

Note For Lil Jaida

Your beauty is far from a curse

It’s something like a love song

Or a well written verse

Of a specially written love poem

It’s not for every man to understand

It’s not one dimensional

It’s multi

Something that truly can only be seen

When someone focuses their third eye

It can be used as a litmus test…

Failure to realize

Carries consequences of being characterized

Like the rest

That were only able to see you

As a simple physical conquest

I am a writer

At least that’s one of the things I do

Writers paint pictures with words

And I choose all of mine carefully

Like the strokes with paintbrushes artists use

If I was only talking about how you look

I’d say, “you LOOK beautiful”

When I put ‘you are’ in front of the word

BEAUTIFUL

I’m thinking of all the qualities I’ve noticed so far

I am talking about all of you

 

Beautiful in a sense that the mere definition of beauty found in dictionaries across the land are a discredit to your true essence. There is no encyclopedic or Wikipedia reference that would be an equivalence to your grandeur. You are so beautiful that you make me want to pick up my pad and my pen and let them get reacquainted so that their offspring can grace the world reincarnated speaking of your excellence. You are not only visually beautiful, you are so much more than that. Your voice is beautiful. Your smile is beautiful. Your smirk is beautiful. Your style is beautiful. Your heart and the depth of the love that I perceive it to have is beautiful. How you think is beautiful (I don’t think there is anything more attractive than an intelligent lady). Your class is beautiful. Your strength is beautiful. I could go on and on and on…

DM

This is probably not what you expect from a man

The first time that you see him

Not saying it’s the best song in the world

But I’m happy for us that

It went down in the DM (…it goes down)

You asked what with you makes it different

I should have just replied everything

You just might be the type of lady that will

Make a man rethink and reconsider everything

What makes this different?

I feel it right here (3 taps to chest)

When we talk, text or snap

I feel it right here (3 taps to chest)

When I think of the quantities of qualities

When without me asking

You sang for me

I felt it right here (points to chest)

Since I feel it right here (points to chest)

It means I feel you right here (points to head)

First impressions are important

I know this is different and an interesting way

To get a date started

But I was as serious as an attack on the heart to stop it

When I said

I’m trying to pull you off the market

Colder

Love this

chester maynes

It seems that
the weather on your
skin changed

and I can
feel your winter-y
emotions crawling

on me every
time I meet you
in the lobby.

What happened?
Your silence is
confusing.

Your snow
burns me like I am
the one being punished.

2016

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2 Questions

I come to you fully exposed…

No walls, no barriers

Defenseless

No bravado

No inflated ego

No mannish pride

No tricks or side angles

No games…mind or otherwise

You’ve overtaken my mind over time

And are in my thoughts working overtime

A natural cause and effect scenario

With the affect immortalized

By way of your many distinctive determinants

The impression on me you’ve made isn’t fleeting or miniscule

Its essence transformational

It has the meat of permanence

We both know what happened and what didn’t

We both share some responsibility

I admit

At times I was protecting me from you

Just like you were protecting you from me

I will do better if you let me

I want to

Known for keeping my word

And I want you…

…to trust we can succeed

The bricks and mortar are already there

Foundation

Opportunity to build on top of that

Is the only need

Here I am

Before you

Humbled and fully exposed

I’ve knocked down walls

And removed barriers

I have:

Open eyes, arms, heart and mind

None of them to you are closed

I don’t know how else to say it

I really don’t know how else to act

I do know how I plan to fix it

But the only power I currently have is to ask

Will you let me love you better?

The bond we share is not happenstance

You and what we have should be fought for

Will you give us the fighting chance?

Here I am before you

Vulnerable and fully exposed

No tricks or side angles,

No bravado

No inflated ego

All I have are these 2 questions

Along with

Open eyes, arms, a heart and mind

That are no longer closed

Love Is Dope

A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine asked me a question. He said “Why is love dope?” It’s a great question in general and an especially good question for me right now given the left turn my life has taken. Starting anew.

Love IS dope. It is. Why? Because love makes you over analyze a five-word text. Love is dope because the butterflies in your stomach and your quickened heart rate could care less about what your mind says is too soon or right or wrong. Love is dope because few things are more heart-warming than a genuine smile. Love is dope because this is the stuff of life.

Love is dope because love is you.

 

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Thought of the morning…

Mean what you speak… Walk as if those words are actually attached to your feet…

SO MENTAL

I am so mental when it comes to you…

My left brain & my right brain
Get into arguments over which can depict you best
The objective of being expressive and selective
Of the right ad-jective
Becomes a mean chess contest
Between hemispheres…
Both on a quest to claim you as Queen
While keeping the other side in check

Are my thoughts of you neurological contradictions?
You’ve been in my dreams,
Girl
But you walk in real life
Even though,
The actual definition of a Dream Girl,
Is synonymous with fiction

In right-brain vision
You’re a fantasy
You’re a Princess
I’m the frog…
You’re the Beauty,
I’m the Beast
See through your enchanted mirror
Past my exterior
My heart is exposed…
Before all the petals fall from the rose…

See me…

My left-brain has less in common with
Disney movies and TV
You are not a cognitive apparition
But a definite cognition
Don’t need my imagination to paint pictures
To Tell a Vision
The quantity of my logic
Is cognizant of your quality
I am such a realist
I speak your name and there we have
A living definition of non-fiction

Right-brain tried to paint you with colors
None were vivid enough for the job to do
Looked into & through the spectrum for your essence
However, there is only one of hue

Your voice to me is heavenly
It transforms words
Unique in melody
The sweetest thing by far,
I’ve heard,
Are your words when you speak to me
My ears are at concert when you speak
Sitting in orchestra seats while you symphony
I’m a stargazer when our eyes meet
And don’t need Galileo’s fathering of modern astronomy
To conceive a belief
Or grasp that I have
A celestial being standing in front of me

Which side of my mind will you believe?
Which half of me will be claiming you as Queen?
As I transition in between the two for another view
If I paused the pendulum
Just for a second or two
Your attributes stand in the middle
Of abstract and absolute

The battle of thought for you
Does not stop
That’s a statistic that’s not even probable
My left brain follows the thought process
Of the Great Architect and all knowledgeable

It weighs how you were made
Logical versus illogical
The possible vs. improbable…
Not only thinking of a single part of you
But every single part of you
From hair follicle to hair follicle
When God thought of you
From the very first molecule
You were meant to be cherished
Particle by particle

Most feed you empty words like calories
Now it’s time to change your diet
Standing mute could possibly end in tragedy
No longer am I silent
Pick a side in my mind in which you wish to confide in
Right brain or left brain
Which kingdom would you rather reside in?

If neither fit

And you’re being pulled from both sides
I won’t make you decide

Then,

The only thing left is to offer peace
A truce…
For you…
My left brain & my right brain
I will focus
I will metamorphize them and combine them

I’m so mental when it comes to you

Morning Haiku

Leaving work Monday

Saw a Beauty walking by

Royal Purple dress

Wondering today

What image my thoughts will bring

Imagination

X-girlfriend

Thirteen years…
Thirteen years…
It sure seems like forever,
Doesn’t it?
That’s how long
She and I were together…
I was just a teenager
When I met her

She appeared suddenly
I lost myself to her will

A powerful woman she was
She’s what my world became
Before I could grasp what was really going on
I was already consumed
Not much of my identity remained

Friendships before her became a mystery…
The faces seemed familiar
The relationships just weren’t the same
I was wrapped so tightly around her finger
Fearing exposure,
I had to fake it
I couldn’t connect the memories to the names

So much time had passed in our relationship
I thought for sure
Amnesia would be the one
I would be with
When I breathed last

Just as quick as she came initially,
Although thirteen years later,
In an instant,
She left just as fast

WRITER’S NOTE: This was inspired by the plethora of commercials and news articles I have seen recently that are focused on Traumatic Brain Injury awareness. This includes the texting while driving commercials and what’s going on with mainly former but some of the current NFL players and/or other athletes in sports with extreme contact. TBI is very real. Call it what you want, but I am one of very few who has survived and recovered from the debilitating injury. I lived for thirteen years with partial amnesia, along with other effects, after being in a car accident with a Detroit city bus (16 Dexter) at 17 years of age… Protect yourselves and especially, protect the children. Teach them proper safety in sports, while driving and in all that they do. Their lives depend on it.